Title: We Don't Say Goodbye
Author: Vesper (Regina)
Spoilers: Amor Fati II: The Sixth Extinction and Nothing Important Happened Today.
Summary: Inspired by "Immortality" sung by Celine Dion. Mulder and Scully each think of the hope for the future and the sacrifices they've made.
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" belong to Chris Carter and 20th Century Fox. No profit is made from this story.
Archival: If you wish to archive, please link to my website. Please keep all my headers intact.
Some might say I'm running. I'm not. I have become a prophet, warning of the impending apocalypse. Those who understand believe me. No longer is this a search for one girl, but a fight for our survival. This quest has become larger than we ever could have imagined. And I never thought it would require me to leave the only two people I would never have, if I had a choice, behind.
Leaving Scully and William was the hardest thing I've ever done. They're safer this way though. And I know they're in good hands with Doggett and Reyes. They would fight tooth and nail to protect her, they've proven that. They've seen the truth and are prepared to withstand the coming battle.
I have never said goodbye to her. That word has never come between us. She knows how much I love her and our son. It is for their sake I follow this road. I keep the memory of them inside me and when I begin to doubt it is the spark that keeps the fire burning.
She made me promise before I left. So I did.
'I won't let my heart control my head.'
I take her with me, her steadiness, her diamond strength. She's brought me balance and wisdom and even though around me the storm darkens my path, and the wind seeks to tear me apart, the promise I keep will make the path in front of me straight. And when that fails me, I draw upon the vision.
I've never told Scully about the dreams I had while catatonic. They've continued, and I've come to realize they are visions of our destiny. The boy was my son. I can only pray that he will understand why his father cannot be with him, and when the time comes, that I will be able to explain to him who he is, what he is.
He is our salvation, the product of two immune parents. He is a gift, a miracle. He is an extraordinary boy, who must be raised ordinary. He is humankind's immortality and through him and her I have found my own.
All I know is that I must continue long enough to see him again. To see Scully again, to reassure her that there will be time, time for us to spend together, to talk about the things we never did, time to grow old with no fear, time to show our love, to never have to say goodbye.
He is not running. No matter what John Doggett thinks Mulder has not abandoned me. Agent Doggett may be a solid man, a good friend, and loyal to the end, but he will never understand what Mulder and I share. I know Mulder has entrusted me to him, my son and I, and it is he that I will depend on in the next few years.
I never thought that I would be able to let Mulder go. I always thought I would be the first to leave, but now I never would. When Mulder was gone I admitted to myself how much I needed him.
I still need him, but he has a journey he must take, a mission he must see through. It's not possible for me to go with him, but I know he keeps my memory.
When the time comes, we will be together, free to live peacefully, free to raise our son and watch him grow. I am hopeful of the future. All I have to do is look at the face of my newborn and I know that he will live to see it.
He is the result of love, and that is what I will tell him when he is older. I can see him already, tall, distinguished, all the better parts of Mulder and I combined in him. He will have his father's tenacity and passion, and he will have his father.
I made him promise to keep himself safe, and I know that he will. There is peace in Mulder's eyes now, but it is not complacent. Instead it is has a fervency I have not noted in a long time, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he cannot sacrifice himself, even though I know he would, to keep us safe.
I love him, and those are the only words that matter now. In the years of silence they lay between us, an unacknowledged strength, but with the saying comes more power than we ever knew, and it will only grow stronger.
The time will come when we are safe from them.
I know it will.